So, I promised to update you on my therapeutic adventures... here it is!
I went to therapy
It was a strange experience as I sat on the couch and all the hippie accouterments that were scattered around reminded of some bad movie (nothing like Good Will Hunting at all! LOL!). Kind of embarrassing to choose the only piece of naga hyde to plop down on with the bean bag freely available in the corner. But there I was. I had only been in front of a few mental health professionals in my life and I didn't take either of them seriously and here I am now, wanting to get right down to the matter at hand!
What's up doc
Getting sober has not been an easy road. At times I have felt crazier off drink than on it. Sitting for months with my own thoughts, no way to escape, not a moment of internal silence. Man! It got hard and then it got harder, then better, then hard, then okay... etc. Like my addictions, it seems that my sobriety is progressive too. Just slower than I would like ;) I wanted to go to therapy because I have benefitted so much by listening to others through a 12 step program and I hope that by going to therapy I would improve upon and/or reinforce those same behaviors that are serving me well. I also want to be able to handle my emotions better too. I felt that I owed it to my family to get “professional” help and be able to react and act better with them with the help of a professional.
Did I say something wrong?
Towards the end of our session, the therapist expressed interest in putting me on an antidepressant and I didn't want to do it based on personal opinions, but I thought to myself “Here is a professional suggesting I go on meds! Are you saying “no”? Who are you?” Well, I decided to ask my general practitioner about the meds and he said that I may benefit from them and that I may be able to handle things better in the future. Now, please don't get me wrong here! I don't break shit (I have in the past of course), I do get pissed, I do get angry (love that anger), but I don't lose my shit anymore to the point of physically harming myself or others. In my current state, I feel that my emotions are manageable, but there are times when I would like to handle my reactions better than I do. So, with apprehension I got the prescription and started taking the pills on a Wednesday.
On Monday I stopped
I stopped taking the pills after four days. I felt myself disconnecting and zoning out. I had insomnia, felt wired (not the good kind), had to pee all the time, couldn't pee, I was tired and I knew it was a mistake on day two! I took a pill on that following Monday as I sat down to work and a voice in my soul said: “If you keep taking this stuff you will regret it.” and I then called my wife, then my sponsor, and then my doctor. I stopped taking them and the next day I felt a little out of it, but by that night I was back to normal! Whew!
I am glad I stopped
Maybe I could have stuck with it and maybe I would have gotten used to it?.. yeah, maybe. Maybe you're considering taking antidepressants? Maybe you're taking antidepressants? Either way, taking meds or not, I hope it's working for you. Taking meds is just not for me. And that's what I am going to tell my therapist the next time I see him.
Thanks for reading!