The wife and I were arguing the other day. It was the usual script and it was my turn to add to the sequence of agitation. I stated at some point, something along the lines of “Sorry, I'm just so crazy.” and she went totally off script and said “I don't think you're crazy, I think you're just wounded”.
I know. I know… I know. “It's not your fault.” Right? That classic moment in Good Will Hunting? That breakthrough/breakdown moment when the therapist gets Will Hunting to lose it? That kind of wounded? That? I don't know. Maybe. But I do know that I have never felt “okay” or “content” - and you may exclaim that “Nobody does!” or that “Everyone feels that way sometimes." etc. I have only known brief moments of peace of mind that were always fleetingly enjoyed and even then I was usually high or intoxicated. Sigh.
Maybe it's better than crazy? I like saying crazy myself, but you can't fix crazy or argue with stupid (or is that vice versa?), so maybe saying “wounded” makes more sense and there's room for hope? So maybe saying “wounded” is the better option because that would mean I could always heal.
Talking about healing…
I start therapy Monday
It may not be a surprise to some of you, but in the interest of being honest and promoting mental health, I have decided to touch on and add to this blog about my therapeutic adventure. I hope to tackle these types of issues with a therapist. To go where no man has gone before! To try and understand why I prefer to say “I'm crazy!” and my wife prefers to say “You're wounded!” And just maybe I can find a few more moments of peace (in my own mind and with my wife) along the way.
Thanks for reading!